16/09/26

Pre-slept on thoughts

Tired webmistress here, seeing as this is a faux diary that both offers anonimity and the exalting assurance that perhaps someone is reading, I want to offer some thoughts from my head.

I'm forever on the cusp of entering the online dating scene again, seeing as how meet cutes don't often happen to trans girls, but I either find most people boring or I'm too maladjusted to fit in to a space with a lot of well adjusted people. I'm unsure if I would even be able to hold a relationship, human relations are hard and, frankly, I don't think I'm human passing.

I'm having less fun doing most things these days, I think all that truly brings me joy is reading and writing. I think my over consumption of video games in my adolescence has soured me on the passtime. I would additionally posit that me now getting to present as myself means there's less incentive to melt into another world, I'm happier as myself, the melancholy aspect comes from the fact that I'm now willing to go out and be myself about 19 years after everyone else so there's not much of a life for me to return to.

Though this point is less serious, I find it important regardless; I think some music sounds better when played sequentially on radio rather than in it's original context. I think the rapid fire style of radio, that oscillates between artists and styles might just endear me to long listening sessions more. I think there is something to say about how endearing listening to one artist's catalogue can be, Sisters of Mercy gets a lot of slack from me due to how comfortable I find Eldritch's voice because of how familiar I am with it. Regardless, I say this because I found a german online radio station called 80s80s Darkwave that plays a lot of my favourites, and it's endeared me more to some bands I've sampled in the past.

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14/09/26

Killing time

It took a little bit but I've made it, my very own blog. The layout isn't something I'm overly fond of but javascript is far too much for me right now, so this will have to do.

Moving out has been incredible, I can fully go and be the person I wanted to be. My time can be spent how I want and I can wear what I want. It's a level of freedom that is still novel to me as a 19 year old.

I'm wearing all these lovely dresses and trying more daring make-up, I'm practicing a new voice. I'm trans if it's not obvious yet :P

Having people use my name and stuff is awesome, this voice training stuff sucks though. The human throat is my number one enemy, and it's associates. Expect giddy blog posts whenever I feel like my voice is better.

I also went vegetarian. It doesn't change too much. It's hard for me to even say it's for moral reasons I just think it's more interesting lol. There's these halloumi fries that are my nectar right now, they're greasy and, frankly, gross but I would die without them.

I've been working on a Roblox asym, my friend's heading up the project but my horror/gothic lit obsessed ass is doing the writing, lore and character designs. I'd love to share more but I want to keep some mystique.

Reading Carmilla has made me think I should try dating again, the platonic ideal of vampire lesbians not the actual dark romance aspects, so expect drama and heartbreak akin to an Archie book in the coming updates.